It’s a Thursday. I’m meant to be at home alone (well, with the dog) while The Husband is at work and the boys are at school. Instead, I’ve emailed the school to let them know that The Kid and Little Brother are sick(ish–looking dramatically better once that email was sent), they’re on the couch watching Netflix, I’m sitting outside typing this, and we’ve been to the grocery store, where–because I threw rules out the window–each got a “toy” of his choice. LB opted for Marvel figures and TK, a labelmaker. At the cash register, he told the cashier that he was kind of handsome.
I got two bottles of wine and a pack of cookies.
Last Saturday, it was meant to rain. Instead, it didn’t, and we all went to a kid friend’s birthday party at the beach, and I drank champagne and TH drank beers and the kids didn’t get lost in the waves.
On Sunday, it was meant to rain too. Instead, it didn’t, and I met a friend under the blazing sun for dinner and then, under the stars for an outdoor movie, and he brought me a blanket and a bottle of champagne and for a few hours I was taken care of instead of doing the caring.
This morning, it was meant to rain. Instead, it didn’t, and I ran and now I’m sore and tired and it doesn’t matter because apparently we are sitting on the couch today with Marvel figures and a labelmaker and cookies and, later, wine, and our lab who was meant to be chocolate but is white and who was meant to not get on this couch but oops, sometimes does.
It’s not just the weather. Yesterday, we were meant to have soccer after school. Instead we had a flat tire and spent an hour waiting for roadside assistance and TH and walking to a cafe that was actually closed and the kids were not fun to be with, but we made it home together.
I was meant to have children who followed the parenting books I read about behaviour and sleeping. Instead, I had two children who did not read those books, so now I find myself reading different ones–about emotional intelligence and “dis”ability (I prefer “different” ability, and you would too if you’d gotten the glowing report I received yesterday from his incredible teacher). Instead of the rule-following robots I was prepared to raise, I got one who’s finally adjusted to first grade but still doesn’t want me to leave too early because his heart is just enormous, and another who talks to me about his big feelings.
Instead of fixing teeth (currently), I’m sitting in classrooms talking about apple brains and the beauty of differences. Instead of staying in Alabama, or Atlanta, I’m sitting in Australia, reading about our sunburnt country with LB’s class, preparing for fall in March and Christmas in summer. Instead of voting the way I always thought I would, I’ve listened to other voices and made new choices.
Everything is turned upside down. I’m starting to love how that happens.