Originally written September 5, 2006
Three years ago, the young son of a family close to mine was killed in a car accident. Presently, a dear family friend is dying of cancer. Four to six months–these are the numbers under which this accountant operates now. Yesterday, the Crocodile Hunter was killed–by a stingray. This world simply does not make sense. And we want it to so badly! So much that we try to come up with explanations for these horrible things that happen to us and those we love. As if we could ever understand why bad things happen–as if we ever should, like it’s our right to know the inner workings of the universe. Christians have even made a commercial industry out of it. WWJD–remember? Let’s all put on a wristband that asks what Jesus would do. AS IF WE COULD EVER KNOW! The most predictable quality of Jesus Christ was His unpredictability. If He were here on earth today, do we really think we could predict where He would be and what He would do? I doubt it would be like anything we would expect, or among people we would approve of. The most knowledgeable teachers and students of law and prophecy didn’t recognize Him when He was standing in front of their faces–what makes us think we can explain Him? This quality of unexpectedness, of certainty turned upside down, is one that I have long fought in my own life. But I realize that if I don’t embrace the uncertain and the uncontrollable, I will never really know Him. And in the process, the quality I have feared the most is becoming the quality I love the most.
A predictable God would be comfortable and safe. He would meet my expectations and affirm them–but never exceed them. In no aspect of His unpredictability is this more evident than in the way He loves us. This is where the trouble with believing comes for most people–including those of us who say we believe. We believe until something bad happens, something bad enough to make us ask the question: How could a God of love allow this? And as we reach for explanations, we are really reaching to manage and define Him. We call it trying to understand Him, but really? We are trying to control Him. We don’t want to admit that He is beyond our understanding because if He is, then what will He do next? If that is love, how afraid should I be of how He will love me tomorrow?
Regarding the love of God, C.S. Lewis writes, “The problem of reconciling human suffering with the existence of a God who loves, is insoluble so long as we attach a trivial meaning to the word love, and look on things as if man were the center of them.” His argument is that when we expect God to love us within our definition of love, we are asking Him to love us less. And He cannot, and will not, love us less.
Our definition of love is much like our definition of God: much smaller than the real thing.