Originally written August 5, 2006

     I had a couple of opposing yet seemingly unrelated experiences yesterday that provided more food for thought than I realized until now. The first thing to note is that the heat finally broke! This blessing ended three days of the following activities: power continuously flickering on and off (the worst was an eight-hour stint on Thursday that allowed our apartment to become an infernal pit; however, it also provided the rationale for me to eat a pint of Ben and Jerry’s Karamel Sutra–why waste a perfectly good lunch?); walking down the street being slapped in the face by urine-soaked, humidity-filled, heat-ridden anti-breezes; and sweating to the point of nausea throughout the day (but especially on subway platforms–you haven’t lived until you’ve been stuffed into the 6 train directly underneath some man’s soaked armpit).

     So Friday was the day to celebrate 85-degree versus 100+ degree temperatures. A friend and I went on an afternoon sailing cruise on the Hudson to the Statue of Liberty and back. Most of the trip was peaceful and relaxing; the air was clear, the water was calm, and we could just enjoy the view. Unfortunately, the view included a man and woman who had apparently been drinking all day. Their glistening gold wedding bands and constant public displays of affection led me to believe they were newlyweds so I tried to cut them some slack at first. But it quickly became clear from their (loud) conversation that they weren’t married to each other. At one point I heard her promise to be there for him and she told him that that should mean something because she knew how much that word, promise, meant to him. I was disturbed and saddened by their spectacle for several reasons. As someone who is not yet married but hoping to be someday, I wondered why two married people would give up on their marriages and spouses in such a blatant and public way. I know marriage isn’t a magical and completely self-protective institution; after all, it involves imperfect human beings. But the picture in front of me of such a disavowal of commitment, coupled with the delusional, one-sided definition of promise left me feeling slightly sick–and it wasn’t from the pitch of the boat. Maybe even sadder than that was the other thought that struck me: down what roads and how far people will go to ease their loneliness and seek affirmation. That, to me, is a tragic part of the story that is caused by and creates brokenness. We’ve all made mistakes, done things we weren’t proud of that hurt ourselves and other people. I know that at some point in the process, there are two roads to choose from. One requires faith and facing difficult truths (our own inadequacy, our lack of control, our fear we won’t measure up); the other is the road of least resistance that allows us to bypass the tough questions and therefore the truth. I was saddened to be in the presence of two people on the second road and to be reminded of my own experiences on that road…but for the grace of God I didn’t have to stay there.

     The opposing experience occurred last night when I went with a group up to the Bronx to a neighborhood church that sponsors a monthly hip-hop service as an outreach to the community. The goal is evangelistic: meet as many people as possible where they are and show them a different way to live. The neighborhood was poor and suffers from the effects of violence and the threat of hopelessness. But the leaders within the community who have chosen to take the second road and forsake all that is familiar for something that is better were as inspiring as the previous experience had been disillusioning. Choosing to believe in someone who refers to Himself as Father when you don’t even know where your own father is; choosing hope when all you can see is despair; these are acts of faith that contain more bravery than I can imagine. People with resources and blessings like I have think we can create our own destiny because we have in our possession so many of the tools it seems that would take. But these empty-handed yet full-hearted people know the truth: faith means realizing your life is in Someone else’s hands, and that is something to celebrate, not fear. We choose the road we will take, but there is only one road that carries that truth.